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I had a few moments of free time yesterday, so I decided to do something nice for Heather and get her some flowers. I went and picked out some red roses that I knew she would like and walked to the register to check out. On my way to pay for the flowers, three separate people asked me what I did to my wife and if I thought the flowers would be enough to get out of trouble.

I laughed off the exchange in the moment but began thinking these encounters later that night. Why is it that these people thought that me purchasing flowers for my wife was to bail me out of some sort of mess I made? Sure, part of their comments were due to trying to be funny, but there was an underlying truth revealed of how each of these people viewed something as simple as a husband buying flowers for his wife.

Unfortunately, we tend to only invest in our marriages when things are going wrong, and we are desperate for a fix. People will sometimes seek out a marriage counselor as a lifeline to their drowning marriage, but many times wait too late because the damage is already done. While it is good that people don’t just throw in the towel and bail on their marriage, the bigger problem is that too many people do not put the work in on a daily basis to have a healthy marriage.

I bought flowers for Heather because I genuinely enjoy seeing her face light up when I buy her things. Two weeks ago I sent Heather out to get her nails done with her mom and spent the entire time cleaning the house while she was gone. I did this because I wanted to make life easier on my wife and knew that coming home to a clean house would genuinely mean something to her.

Each day we are faced with choices like this. Do we go out of our way to meaningfully express love to our spouse, or do we choose to simply co-exist together? It takes little to no effort to let the passion in our marriage die and quietly become roommates. A thriving marriage takes effort and intentionality.

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That is a great picture of the type of love that makes a marriage successful. Jesus’ love was full of action, sacrifice and was without condition. 

I encourage you to take the words of Ephesians to heart and pursue your spouse with the same kind of love that Christ pursued you. Do not sit back and hope for things to get better. Take the first step to make them better.