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In many ways, Heather and I could not be more opposite. Growing up, she was the cute blonde cheerleader. I was the long-haired kid just trying to be invisible. She is exceptionally organized and administrative, while I can be a bit of a mess. I will jam out to my 80's rock while she pretends to tolerate the screaming guitars.

One of the most profound ways that we are different is how we process anger. Heather will tell you that she is the hothead in our relationship. When she gets upset, she can be more vocal with her anger than I am. On the flip side, I tend to withdrawal when I get upset. I will shut down verbally and internally process things.

Learning how to navigate our emotions correctly is one of the biggest challenges that marriages face. As much as every blissfully engaged couple wants to think their marriage will be a utopian love fest that lives on passion, that same couple quickly runs into reality shortly after the wedding. Our spouses may be perfect for us, but they are not perfect. More important, they married an imperfect person in us!

These imperfections will inevitably lead to conflict in a marriage. This conflict will destroy or unify a marriage. What determines the outcome is how the couple learns to love each other through the conflict and develop healthy habits that lead to peace.

For us, Heather and I have had to learn to soften each of our approaches to anger to create a healthy environment. Heather has learned how not to be as hotheaded when upset. I have had to learn not to shut down and be willing to work through conflict with Heather instead of isolating her when I am upset.

For both of us, Heather and I had to deal with the person in the mirror and take ownership of how we handle ourselves when upset. As adults in a married relationship, we have to own our actions. We cannot blame our temper, conflict avoidance, denial or withdrawal on our heritage if we want to have a successful marriage.

I want to encourage you to ask yourself the hard questions next time you get upset with your spouse? Do I handle my emotions in a Christ-like manner? Are my emotion-fueled actions constructive or destructive to my marriage? Will my actions bring peace to my marriage or pour gas on the fire?

Be willing to address how you handle conflict and take ownership of your actions. As you do this, you will begin to see your conflicts find resolution much quicker and develop a much more peaceful marriage.