Honest Communication

Let's be honest, learning how to have honest and vulnerable communication does not come naturally to everyone. In fact, the beginning of creating intimacy in a marriage starts with trusting each other enough to have these incredibly private and important conversations. 

Specifically, the idea of discussing sex in a marriage can seem like a daunting task. Depending on your upbringing, culture or even religious heritage, your family may have struggled to talk openly about sex and the beautiful thing that God created for marriage. In order to keep our kids pure and avoid falling to the temptation of lust, too many parents and churches make the mistake of attaching a taboo label to sex. It is portrayed as the forbidden fruit and potential downfall of every innocent Christian teenager. 

In an effort to raise Godly children, we have actually handicapped too many Godly marriages. For a young man or woman who has spent their entire upbringing being told sex is taboo, it can make the transition to a thriving and healthy married sex life a struggle. As a result, having open and honest conversation about sex becomes a serious challenge that a marriage must overcome. 

The reality is that you and your spouse need to learn to have loving, honest and vulnerable conversations about sex. At first, this may seem awkward because you are talking about something that is deeply personal and intimate. 

One great way to overcome the awkwardness of talking about sex is by looking to scripture. Now, I know this may seem incredibly counterproductive, but stay with me. God created sex to be this amazing thing for married couples and didn’t shy away from talking about. For example, the entire book of Songs of Solomon is passionate poetry written between two lovers. Proverbs 5:18-19 states,

“May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer—

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be intoxicated with her love."

The same God that is personified by His holiness is perfectly OK with talking about sex. Taking that example, we can do the exact same with our spouse. Let that be the first step and then look up some Godly resources of what a thriving sex life looks like from a Godly perspective. Fight through the awkwardness and learn to talk to your spouse about the most intimate and personal part of your relationship. As you do this, your intimacy will grow and your marriage strengthened.