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I first met Heather in the summer of 1999. I started working at a church in Fort Worth, and she was already an employee there. Not too long after I started working there, we began spending our break and lunchtime together. As our romantic interests in each other grew, we began spending time together outside of work and talked on the phone for hours and hours. 

When we got married on September 03, 2001, I felt like I had an excellent understanding of who Heather was as a person. Despite all of the time we spent together, I soon discovered there was a lot about my wife that I did not know. I knew what it was like to be her coworker, friend, boyfriend, and fiance - but being her husband was completely different. 

A significant amount of marital conflict happens because of unmet needs. These unmet needs can lead to anger, frustration, and resentment if the marriage does not address them correctly. These unmet needs occur naturally in a relationship because we marry someone very different from us. There are biological, emotional, psychological, cultural, and religious differences that a couple must learn to navigate through.

The reality is - as much as we know about our spouse, there will always be more to learn and understand. When we get to the point where we think we have it all figured out, we put ourselves in a dangerous position of missing the mark. Instead of assuming we know more than we actually do, we need to simply take the time to ask questions. When our perspectives clash, this is a great opportunity to learn more about our spouse. We could allow the moment to let our disconnect lead to conflict, or we could use the opportunity to understand our spouse a little better.

Another great reminder is to remind ourselves that our perspective may not always be the correct perspective. If God brought us a spouse that was very different from us, He did it because we needed those differences in our lives. Maybe your spouse sees a problem differently than you do because you can combine your viewpoints and work towards the perfect solution. What our human nature may try to use as conflict, God intended to make a powerful team. 

If we do not take the time to learn about our spouse, our disconnect can lead to dysfunction. If we invest in our marriage and learn who God created our spouse to be, we appreciate their differences and use them as a strength in our marriage.